Sponge bath it is.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
