yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Randomize