she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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