If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
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