I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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