Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
