We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
