i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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