You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
