If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
