I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
