I got chris browned last night
id be glad to
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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