so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
