The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
