Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She bit a glass in half.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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