what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize