Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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