I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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