Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
