how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
