i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
