Your tits are I can't wait for
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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