guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
