i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
How external is "for external use only"?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
