4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
