I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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