So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
