I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
