with your own penis?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
