Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
