The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
