is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
