I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
