So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
so explain again why im purple
no
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
im six kinds of drunk right now
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Randomize