I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
