The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
