im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
