In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
