I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize