Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
