Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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