why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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