she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
