I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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