Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
