apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
