I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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