As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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