Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
MIDGETS
????
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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