maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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