I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
