You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
