Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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