even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
