so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
