Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
