if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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