so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
