My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
