she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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