Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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