This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My bed smells like the plague
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
