I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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