I'm going to rape someone's good day.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
