It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
