Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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