so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
