Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
there is glitter all over my balls
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