She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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