do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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