the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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