I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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