I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
