Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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