Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
