Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
