OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
