The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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