ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
