I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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