I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
