you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
