I want to make a zoo with you.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
