Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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