its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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