Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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