By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
