I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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