is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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