you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
