bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
