You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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