i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
