YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
